To Despise A Fangirl
by DeafeningSilence1317
Summary: You'll never guess what Sakura did. Now, Itachi, Shisui, and the rest of the noble Uchiha clan are on the prowl... And you can bet they're pretty ticked off. Non-massacre. No incest. Summary fail. AU. Rated T for multiple reasons that I wish not to list.
1. Chapter 1: The forbbiden kiss

Hiyo kiddies. :D

I understand that the Kimiko Chronicles fans are wanting to kill me right now but... THIS IDEA WAS JUST KILLING MY BRAIN! You can expect an update in the near future. Maybe.

Okay, I know this story is going to suck. I know that I suck at writing. And grammar. And plotting. And-... Okay, okay. I suck. But I'm glad you guys decided to take a look at it.

DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING. NOTHING. O_O

* * *

The whole thing happened so fast. The whole thing happened with such sudden intensity that it was understandable if those who were involved would deny it ever happening had the event not occurred with such strong impact on their emotions.

But the proof was right there.

Sakura kissed Naruto. In front of Sasuke.

You may not find this too shocking. You may even be a little pleasantly surprised if you're one of those NaruSaku fans.

Until… hehe… Until you find out the truth…

You see, Sakura was one of those people that your mother, your father, and your protective older siblings would warn you about over and over again. Sasuke listened obediently to his mother's warnings, his father's angry rants at two in the morning, and his older brother's simple yet terrifyingly effective words of wisdom. Sakura, and girls like her, were not to be trusted.

But Sakura was special. She had a witty, crafty mind. In most cases, she could get what she wanted. But getting Sasuke was by far the most difficult thing she had ever done.

And just by making one tiny, simple mistake… It was her greatest downfall.

…

Sasuke stared at the scene before him with large, slate-gray eyes, Kami forbid them turning onyx red in such a moment of vulnerability.

He didn't want to believe it was happening. But the proof was right there in front of him. His girlfriend was having a tongue war with his best friend.

The emotional pain he was experiencing while watching the entire display in front of him was something close to being stabbed with a kunai. Not pleasant, as you can probably tell.

Sakura and Naruto broke apart for air, which is when they noticed Sasuke standing there, a 'deer in the headlights' sort of look spread across his pale, yet beautiful (1) face.

OH SHIT, Sakura and Naruto mentally screeched.

Sakura threw Naruto down on the ground in an attempt to push off him to get a running start at Sasuke to try and explain the situation.

But she was too late, for he had already used his ninja awesomeness to sprint away, off into the gloomy, foggy night.

"SASUKE, WAIT!" She yelled. Yet as I had already explained, she was too slow.

She fell to her knees on the snowy ground, burying her face in her hands and sobbing.

Naruto, who was now out cold, lied there on the ground behind her; his face was frozen in a look of shock and bewilderment.

Meanwhile, Sasuke was running through the foggy, frozen night with tears running down his pale, perfect face.

The Uchiha Compound was strangely silent as he ran to the Uchiha mansion he called home, but he couldn't really bring himself to give a damn.

When he did finally reach his house, he was chilled to the bone and wanting nothing more than to curl up in his bed and die.

But despite his best efforts, Itachi still caught him.

"And where have _you _been?" Itachi asked, leaning against the doorframe of his bedroom as Sasuke attempted to sneak down the hall.

"… Out..." Sasuke replied simply, slipping past his brother and continuing down the hall to his own room.

He was gone from Itachi's view a moment later.

Itachi thought he saw tear tracks on his precious little brother's face, and that was all he needed to get into his psycho killer mode.

"Alright, who am I brutally murdering today?" he whispered to himself, heading to Sasuke's room.

He found Sasuke lying on his bed, face buried in his arms and taking in quick gulps of air.

I taught him to conceal his tears too well, Itachi thought with a vague sense of pride.

"… Sasuke…?" He asked softly.

Sasuke promptly wiped his face off with his forearms before looking at his brother, although he knew hiding it was useless by that point.

"Why are you crying?" Itachi asked, walking in and sitting down on Sasuke's bed.

Sasuke averted his brother's steady gaze by looking down at the floor. He tried to get himself to stop shaking, but when you're crying and cold at the same time, shaking is an involuntary movement that you just can't control.

"Sasuke. Why are you crying? " Itachi tried again, putting an arm around his brother's shaking frame.

"… I don't wanna… talk about it…" Sasuke finally choked out.

Itachi now put both his arms around Sasuke in a comforting hug.

"You wanna sleep with me tonight?" Itachi asked softly, realizing how cold and shaky his brother was.

Sasuke nodded against Itachi's chest.

Itachi let go of Sasuke and they both went to Itachi's room.

They sat there on Itachi's bed, and Itachi was sure to make note that as soon as Sasuke was asleep, he was going to call Shisui and plot where to hide the bodies of whoever dared to make his dear little brother cry.

He knew it had to be severe, because Sasuke was a gifted ninja. He could hold his own in a battle, he was a hardcore Uchiha. Of course he didn't cry easily.

But when a time arose when Sasuke _did_ cry, you could be reassured that Itachi would take care of the situation.

Like right now.

Itachi wrapped an arm around Sasuke, and made Sasuke look at him.

"Spill. Who am I killing?" (2)

Sasuke was in no mood to explain, however.

"I don't wanna talk about it…" He said solemnly, looking down again.

The look that flashed in Sasuke's eyes would make any self-respecting fangirl squeal and die of morbid happiness.

Itachi didn't want to force his Sasuke to tell him, but when you're a protective older brother like Itachi…

Sasuke sighed shakily. He decided that it was best to tell.

"… Sakura was kissing Naruto…" He whispered, breaking down in silent tears.

Itachi, after making mental note to torture before killing, wrapped his arms around Sasuke and ran a hand through Sasuke's damp hair.

LATER THAT NIGHT…

Sasuke had curled up next to Itachi and fallen into a dreary sleep. Itachi made sure Sasuke was warm, then, with great agility, crept out of the room using his ninja awesomeness.

He went to the phone and dialed a number he knew by heart.

Shisui's number.

After ringing exactly 3 times, Shisui picked up.

"Hello?" He answered groggily.

"You sound sleepy." Itachi commented.

"… Itachi? What are you doing calling me at 1 in the morning?"

"It's an emergency."

"It better be…"

"Remember that fangirl bitch Sasuke was going out with?"

"Yeah…?"

"She made out with the hokage's kid in front of Sasuke-!"

The phone hung up.

Before Itachi even had time to wonder what had happened, Shisui was standing behind him.

"I'll help you hide the bodies."

"Nice reaction time." Itachi commented, impressed.

"You will learn in time." Shisui said, grinning.

"Oh please. If I'd known that Sakura-bitch was snogging the hokage's kid in front of Sasuke I would be burning the bodies right now. I _KNOW_ how to react quickly."

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that. NOW WHERE IS THE PINK BITCH AND THE KYUUBI THING?"

"We'll worry about that tomorrow. And keep it down. Sasuke's asleep."

"… Did you take pictures…?"

"Why would I do _that_? He just got his heart broken-…" Itachi was cut off by Shisui's brilliant eyes, which were screaming 'OH DROP THE ACT ALREADY.'

"Yeah." Itachi said dejectedly, glancing at his digital camera on the kitchen table.

* * *

(1): Oh, what? WHAT? You don't think he's pretty?

(2): Such a classic protective older brother term. Who am I killing?

How was it? SO MANY ERRORS I KNOW... I tried. I really did.

Special thanks to ArAnCaR No. 6 for the back-up. *bows* I AM ETERNALLY GRATEFUL (supposed spelling fail) FOR YOUR OPINION.

So... You guys ready to reivew? I'd enjoy the constructive criticism, and I know there's got to be at least one person out there that liked it. Maybe. Okiedokie. The review button beckons you.


	2. Chapter 2: Stupid Sakura

I FINALLY FINISHED CHAPTER 2. :D

Sorry for leaving you hanging. But life fails me, and I fail life so... XD

I shrieked fangirlishly throughout writing this, so hopefully it'll earn a scream from you too. Sorry if it's not as good as the first chapter. ;A;

DISCLAIMER: THE HOT, BEAUTIFUL, SEXY UCHIHA BOYS ARE NOT MINE. NOR IS NARUTO ITSELF. v_v...

* * *

It was a cold morning; the ground slick with ice, and the sky dark with clouds that would occasionally let down a quick flurry of snow before closing back up, apparently indesicisive of how it wanted to dispense its frozen cargo.

Itachi and Shisui were sitting at the table, talking quietly, when Sasuke trudged into the room, rubbing his slate gray eyes.

"G'morning, Sasuke." Shisui greeted, snapping Itachi off mid-sentence, seeing as Sasuke had walked in.

Sasuke merely glanced up and gave him a grim nod before directing his gaze back down to the floor.

"Oh, good morning Sasuke. How are you feeling?" Itachi asked, placing a hand on the top of Sasuke's head once the latter was in range.

"Like crap…" Sasuke replied drearily.

Itachi shot Shisui a look while giving Sasuke a hug.

"You still look tired. Go and try to get some more sleep, okay?" Itachi said softly to his precious Sasuke.

Sasuke nodded and went back to Itachi's room, head hanging.

The distant screams of fangirls echoed in Shisui and Itachi's ears.

Damn author and her sound effects, Shisui and Itachi thought simultaneously.

As soon as they were sure Sasuke was out of earshot, the real reason for Shisui's early morning visit continued on in conversation.

"I will kill, Itachi. No wait… I will do _worse_ than kill… I will maim, torture, then kill slowly and painfully…" Shisui murmured, clenching his fists.

"I want to incapacitate those retarded little brats as much as you do, but we can't just barge into their houses and do it."

"There are two of us, and two of them. It's the perfect plan…" Shisui reasoned, trailing off with the typical 'evil genius' glint in his eyes.

Then, he dug his own grave, just by saying a few simple words to get Itachi's attention focused.

"You don't love Sasuke anymore, do you?"

There was a dull THUD of head colliding with floor.

"SAY THAT AGAIN AND I WILL BURN YOUR BODY ALONG WITH THE KYUUBI THING AND THE PINK HAIRED BITCH." Itachi hissed venomously, pinning Shisui to the cold floor by his wrists.

"_This _is the kind of aggressiveness that we'll need when we destroy the pink bitch and the kyuubi thing." Shisui said, making mental note not to ever bring up the topic that had gotten him into this position in the first place.

"There's a blizzard that's supposed to hit soon. It'll be easier to hide the remains and cover our tracks." Itachi inputted, still pressing Shisui into the floor.

"Brilliant." Shisui commented, smirking.

After 10 seconds of triumphant silence, Shisui started struggling.

"OW YOU'RE PUSHING ON A PRESSURE POINT…" Shisui squeaked, trying to push Itachi off with his feet.

"Oh, sorry." Itachi said, getting up.

Shisui stood, rubbing his sore wrists.

"I taught you well."

"Oh shut up."

…

Snow was now steadily tumbling down from the gray, seemingly-fathomless sky above Konoha; which left its inhabitants to curl up under a nice kotatsu with friends and family, or some other cheesy, overly biased 'day in the snow' scene.

Mikoto and Fugaku loved both their sons equally. Although it often looked like Mikoto babied Sasuke and Fugaku gave Itachi special treatment, they had equal love for both their children.

Sometimes, they would just stop what they were doing, look up, and silently thank Kami that their boys got along well, and that they were both so gifted.

They also enjoyed writing off Shisui as a dependant on their taxes. Sure, they loved Shisui like a son too, but he was a bottomless pit when it came to food, and he enjoyed making unannounced visits. Not to mention he was almost always there. That counts as a dependant, doesn't it?

At least they could trust Shisui enough to teach Itachi and Sasuke a little about the fan industry and its works. Sure, it was a sensitive topic, but when you're the parents of two gorgeous, talented teenage heartthrobs, you're bound to have to deal with this at one point or another.

They both knew that Itachi despised fangirls and fanboys, and getting within 100 feet of Sasuke while you were a crazed fan was always out of the question, but when he allowed Sasuke to _DATE _a fangirl, they got a little concerned.

And when they learned of the little incident concerning the hokage's only son and the fangirl Sasuke had been dating, they nearly died of shock.

Sakura, although they hated to admit it, was a cunning, smart girl. A fangirl at that, but still; quite smart. She would have known better than anyone how hard it was for Itachi to let her start dating his little Sasuke. Hell, everyone knew how hard it would be to get Sasuke. But she did the most unthinkable thing. She kissed another boy, fully aware of the fact that she could be caught.

Perhaps she just got caught up in the moment?

No… She was too smartass for that.

She got cocky. She thought she could get away with it one time. But that was all it took.

That had to be it. It had to…

At dinner that very evening, Mikoto fussed over Sasuke, catering to his every whim and babying him to her very fullest potential.

Itachi and Fugaku were sharing a silent conversation just by looking at each other, and it was amazing that they could fully understand what the other was trying to say.

_Does Shisui know?_

Yes, he does. First person and only person I told.

_As much as I hate to admit it, I can't allow you two to kill the traitors._

WHAT?

_I know, I know. I want to kill them as much as you do, but we have to think about the welfare of the clan before we go around slaughtering 13 year olds._

Well, what are we supposed to tell Mom? She's expecting us to finish the pink thing and the kyuubi boy off.

… _Let's not think about that…_

There's no use avoiding the inevitable.

… _Good point…_

Go ahead and tell her.

_Why do I have to tell her?_

You're the man of the house and head of the clan. Confronting Mom wouldn't be much of a problem to you at all, the way I look at it.

_So NOW I'm the head of the clan and man of the house?_

Just because I'm trying to defend Sasuke and attempting to kill his teammates doesn't make me man of the house!

_Oh whatever…_

Just tell her when Sasuke isn't around. I'd like to break it to him my way.

_You think he'd want to hear that after getting his poor little heart broken?_

You're making it sound like I'm the one who's going to be crying!  
_Am I?_

Yes!

_Oh PUH-LEASE… (3) I know how emotional you can get when Sasuke's down in the dumps when it's something serious like this._

Oh, and you don't?

_It's my JOB to get emotional about stuff like this. _

Oh just shut up already…

_You're just jealous because you didn't get fussed over like this when YOU were his age._

Tch, you can't even lie. Shisui told me all about life before Sasuke was a major concern.

_Did he?_

The conversation ended with Fugaku smirking deviously and taking a sip of his tea. (4)

Itachi looked down at his rice, a chibi raincloud rolling into frame.

"Uh, Nii-san?"

Itachi looked up.

His mother, father, and Sasuke were all giving him WTF looks.

"What?"

Sasuke pointed a finger at the rainclouds now dumping their contents onto his older brother.

Itachi looked up.

"Oh, those should go away eventually…" Itachi murmured, blue depression lines coming into view on the back of his head.

"Itachi, push those outside before you ruin the carpet." Mikoto said, still harboring a look of light confusion on her face.

"Yes, Mother…" He drawled, getting up and pushing the clouds toward the front door of the estate.

Later that evening, Sasuke and Itachi were sitting in Itachi's room. It was times like these where Sasuke could relax. They would just sit around and talk.

Itachi finally dozed off at 11 (or something around 11, Sasuke never really cared to glance at the clock), and that left Sasuke to lie there, curled up next to his brother and stare miserably up at the ceiling.

Perhaps he was better off without Sakura. She was always a little too pushy, and she did what ever it took to get affection. Not to mention how she rubbed their whole relationship in that poor Ino girl's face.

He was nearly asleep when he realized his cell phone was ringing; it only broke his heart more due to the fact it was Sakura's ringtone.

_I'm not gonna answer it, I'm not gonna answer it, I'm not gonna answer it…_

He got out of bed and picked up his phone.

"Hello?" He answered hesitantly.

"SASUKE, THANK GOD!" Sakura sighed.

"What do _you_ want?" He asked, willing himself not to hang up long enough to hear a response.

"OH GOD SASUKE I'M SO SORRY! I'M SO, SO, SO SORRY!" She squealed, sobbing.

He wished she wouldn't scream into the phone like that. She might wake up Itachi. Or he might wake him up by shouting at her for shouting.

"Oh, quit begging Sakura. You probably think you're above dating me. You certainly thought so when you were kissing that idiot Naruto." He commented coldly. (1)

Sakura sobbed harder.

"IT WAS A MISTAKE, SASUKE! IT WAS THE BIGGEST MISTAKE I EVER MADE! I'M SORRY…"

"I don't wanna hear it." He snapped, silently praying that the lump in his throat would go away.

"PLEASE SASUKE, PLEASE!" Sakura screamed.

"Sakura. It's over. You had your chance." He deadpanned; a trait he had picked up from Itachi.

With that, he hung up.

After shutting off his phone to avoid any more guilt calls, he crawled into bed with Itachi again.

By this time Itachi was awake just enough to know his poor Sasuke was in need of a hug, so he sleepily wrapped an arm around Sasuke's waist and pulled him close.

Sasuke, feeling a little better, snuggled up to Itachi and dozed off.

Stupid Sakura, he thought as his eyes closed.

Meanwhile, Sakura was sitting on her bed, sobbing hysterically and having the typical fangirl meltdown.

Naruto was recovering from minor head trauma in his father's mansion, and it was he who realized it first.

Itachi was going to end him. No, wait… Plainly ending him wasn't going to satisfy the protective Uchiha.

Itachi was intelligent, strong, fast, and hardcore. He could get the job done quickly, and cleanly. Naruto knew that quite well. Being the hokage's son had its advantages. But he also knew that the Uchiha was a master of torture. Knowing how protective Itachi was of his dear baby brother Sasuke, Naruto was screwed. Itachi would under no circumstances make Naruto's death painless. He would play with his food before eating, as Naruto liked to think of it.

And Kami knows what Itachi was going to do to Sakura-Chan… (4)

* * *

(1): By show of hands, who died laughing at that? *falls over laughing*

(2): OH GOSH… Can you imagine how skilled they had to be to have a silent conversation like that? *laughs*

(3): GRAMMAR FAIL… *laughs*

(4): I just KNOW there's at least one ItaSaku fan out there that is smirking at this moment because of that statement… *glares*

So cute, right? Hopefully I can get chapter 3 up and running before you guys all lose faith in me. Which I have a feeling has already happened. XD Go right on ahead and review. THE REVIEW BUTTON COMPELLS YOU.


	3. Chapter 3: Sakura's ultimate plan

HONHONHONHONHONHON~ I finished it!

This was actually done A LONG TIME AGO, but the internet was down and I had to wait until I had a good connection... So... Sorry. XD

I LOVED WRITING THIS CHAPTER BECAUSE I THINK... I _THINK_ MY HUMOR IS RETURNING! XD I mean, I feel like a funnier person. So yay.

I OWN NOTHING.

* * *

It occurred to Naruto that morning that he better lock his doors, so he dashed around the house (tripping over various objects he didn't know he owned and cursing wildly all the while) and made sure they were nice and… well, locked. Just to be safe, he also secured the windows and barricaded himself into his closet. He ignored all the gay 'coming out of the closet' jokes that he would've been using, had this been happening to anyone else. His closet was a comfortable place, no matter what anyone said. Like a door with various objects piled against it would stop a couple of enraged Uchiha psychopaths (Itachi and Shisui in particular), but whatever made him feel safe…

Once safely inside his closet, he called Sakura.

"What do _you_ want, Naruto?" Sakura asked. Her voice was high and had a gravelly edge from being in hysterics all night; much to the annoyance of her sleepy neighbors.

"SAKURA-CHAN! SAKURA CHAN! SAKURA-CHAAAAAN!" He squealed into the phone, on the verge of hyperventilating.

"I'M RIGHT HERE YOU IDIOT!" Sakura was finally able to yell over Naruto's hissy fit. His high-pitched voice was more annoying to her than usual. Like nails dragging across a chalkboard. The hysterics she'd been in all night weren't that different, but it didn't register to her at that moment.

"SAKURA-CHAN, LOCK YOUR DOOR. SAVE YOURSELF."

"What are you talking about?"

"ITACHI… COMING… TO KILL US!"

"Calm down already, Naruto. I'm sure _Sasuke_ said something to keep him off us. We're gonna be fine."

"This is _Itachi_ we're talking about, Sakura-Chan…"

Sakura let out a small gasp. This was _Itachi_ they were dealing with... Not to mention that Shisui kid who might get involved… Then they'd really be in deep shit…

"You might be onto something, Knucklehead…"

"WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?"'

"I don't know! I don't know…"

"WELL WE GOTTA THINK OF SOMETHING… I DON'T WANNA DIE, SAKURA-CHAN!"

"Be quiet… I'm thinking…" Sakura said, drawing her knees up to her flat chest. "Why don't you just… tell you're dad? Maybe he could do something to help."

"He wouldn't believe me. Itachi's one of his best officers."

"… Yeah… You got a point…"

"It was a pleasure knowing you, Sakura-Chan. Believe it."

"You weren't so bad yourself, you little idiot."

"Bye…"

"Yeah, bye…"

Naruto hung up his phone.

That was when he realized he had to take a pee, and the only way out of his closet would be to squeeze through a vent, crawl through a series of smaller vents, and somehow maneuver out of another vent-opening on the other side of the mansion.

"This is going to be a _long _day… Believe it…" He mumbled, blue depression lines on the back of his head.

MEANWHILE…

Sakura needed Sasuke. She didn't need chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, or movies starring Johnny Depp, or even a long, sobering conversation with her girlfriends. She needed _Sasuke._

Now, Sakura was one of those anime characters who could eat 50 cubic tons of fudge pudding and still look absolutely fabulous, which was why she had confidence in the idea that if she couldn't win Sasuke back with her heart, she could certainly win him back with her body.

This would be an interesting night.

AT THE UCHIHA ESTATE…

The Uchiha estate was a large one. Seeing as the Uchihas were partly the reason Konohagakure was what it was, they got special treatment. The estate was surrounded by a walkway. The inside of the estate also provided open walkways, where the Uchiha were free to wander around the courtyard in the center of the estate. Not unlike the Hyūga estate, really. A light snow had dusted the ground. Clouds hovered above Konoha once again, and they knew another severe snowstorm was bound to happen any minute.

The air was crisp and dry. A light wind blew.

Sasuke was going for a quick walk around the estate. He didn't really have much else to do. His parents were out, and he hadn't heard from his brother all day. The snowflakes that began falling were thick and wet. It made him reach out from under the sheltered walkway and grab one. It melted in his hand, but it was a pretty nicely sized. They were probably going to be snowed in if things kept up.

He went to the sitting room and found himself seated at the tiny tea table a few moments later. He made himself a cup and was just picking up the cute little cup when Itachi walked in.

"Shisui's coming over to hang out."

"Alright," Sasuke said, holding the tea cup to his lips.

Itachi sat down at the little tea table across from Sasuke and poured himself some tea. Sasuke made it look good. Well, he makes _everything_ look good with that sexy face of his. (1)

"You realize that he'll be snowed in with us if the weather keeps up, right?"

"Yeah, but you know he's just gonna find a way in here anyway. Might as well lock him in with us so he won't have to resort to breaking in..."

"How goes it, little cousins?" Shisui greeted not a second later, sauntering in. His messy dark hair looked slightly damp from the wet snow falling from the sky.

He sat down with the Sasuke and Itachi. He poured himself some tea and took a sip.

Itachi sweatdropped.

"You came over in shorts and a t-shirt?"

Shisui looked at Itachi for a moment. Even Sasuke knew it was a stupid question. Shisui had more clothes here than he did back at his own house.

"I had a hell of a time getting here, you know."

"Yeah, because walking 40 yards to our house is _so_ hard…" Itachi said sarcastically.

"Say what you will; the snowflakes could kill small children if hit directly," Shisui said, shooting Itachi a look.

Sasuke could hear the snow outside. If he didn't know any better, he'd say someone was running on the roof…

_HUUUUUMMM…_

"Well that's just _fabulous_," Shisui groaned. The power had gone out.

"Sasuke, aren't there some flashlights in your room?" Itachi asked.

"… Probably."

"Would you be a good boy and go get them?"

Sasuke stood and felt his way along the halls to his room. In the bottom drawer of his dresser, there would be about 4 flashlights, if his memory served him correctly...

His socked feet made minuscule thumping noises against the hardwood floor. When he slid the door open, it made a quiet gliding noise.

He stalked toward his drawer and pulled out the flashlights. They weren't large, maybe about 6 or 7 inches long and 3 inches across at it's widest point. They were all red, and were fairly new and unused.

He heard a thump at his window. He looked up just in time to see a flash of white. Perhaps it was just snow falling off the roof… or something… But… was there pink in there somewhere?

He shook his head and stood. His mind was playing tricks on him…

As he turned, he saw it. His flashlight beam caught it.

There, outside the window, upside-down, was a face.

* * *

(1): Sorry, was that too creepy from an Itachi view point? XD

Adur. HURHURDUR. Creepy, ain't it?

EXPECT THE NEXT CHAPTER. IN. 3. MINUTES. XD I finished it too! I'M ON A ROLL. 8'D


	4. Chapter 4: Ultimate plan backfires

AHAHAHAHA I TOLD YA! Wait... Well, this was... an interesting chapter to write; I'll tell you that much. XD

* * *

Sasuke knew that face in the next instant.

Sakura's face... She was smiling, and in a normal situation it might've been a plain, happy smile. But because of the unusual place Sasuke was seeing it from, it terrified him.

So he yelled and scrambled out of his room. He never dropped the flashlights though, because he's just that good.

He flung himself into the sitting room and into Itachi's arms.

"What? What is it?" Itachi asked, startled by Sasuke's behavior.

"Sakura… face… window…" Sasuke panted, wide-eyed.

"What's he going on about?" Shisui asked, leaning in front of Sasuke and taking the flashlights from him.

"I… I saw Sakura… Her face… was… in my bedroom window!"

"Don't be ridiculous," Itachi said, rolling his gray eyes. "If she were within 100 feet of you, I think me and Shisui would sense it."

_THUMP THUMP THUMP._

"What was that?" Shisui asked, getting up. He peered out into the hall, casting his flashlight beam in all directions.

"It… sounded like someone running," Itachi said, standing up and pulling Sasuke up as well.

"Maybe it's Sakura," Sasuke said quietly.

"It's _not_ Sakura, Sasuke. It's probably… well, I don't know who or what it would be, but I can assure you that it's not Sakura."

Sasuke was directed by Itachi to stand near the tea table, while he and Shisui searched for the source of the noise. Just as Itachi and Shisui had stepped out of the room, the most traumatizing thing to ever happen in the Uchiha's home dropped from the ceiling in the form of, get ready for it…

A naked Sakura Haruno.

Yes, she _dropped_ from the _ceiling_ in front of poor, terrified, 13 and a half year old Sasuke.

Sasuke was so traumatized, he couldn't even scream. He could just stare in horror.

Luckily, when Sakura's immense nakedness hit the tea table, it made a barely audible clanking noise, which alerted Itachi and Shisui to peek in.

Everything happened quickly after that.

There was flash. Sasuke's flashlight, Itachi's, then Shisui's were knocked from their hands. The tea was knocked from the table. Things shattered. Sasuke grunted in what was probably pain. By the time Itachi and Shisui were able to get their lights stabled, Sakura and Sasuke were on the other side of the room, by the door leading out to the hall. Sakura held Sasuke by the neck. She was still bare of any clothing.

"Sakura; let Sasuke go before someone gets hurt," Itachi said, more of a threat than a plead.

"If you let me leave with Sasuke, I won't do it," Sakura said, tightening her grip on Sasuke's neck. She didn't hold any visible weapons, however.

"… Do _what_, exactly?"

Sakura placed a hand over Sasuke's crotch.

"_It_."

Itachi and Shisui's eyes widened. She _wouldn't_…

She began backing out with a fear-stricken and slightly confused Sasuke, but on reflex, Itachi tried to step forward. He himself almost didn't notice it.

"I'm not _playing_, Itachi," Sakura said, placing her thumb between Sasuke's waist and his pants. She was threatening to pull those pants off…!

This was Shisui and Itachi's worst nightmare; a lowly, slutty, ditzy, giggly _fangirl_ taking their dear Sasuke's _virginity_.

"Help me…" Sasuke mouthed slowly with begging, helpless eyes.

"Look, look… We'll give you money. We'll give you clothes to put over your disgusting nakedness. We'll do _anything_. Just give Sasuke back to me."

Sakura shook her head.

"He's mine."

"Look, I let you date him on the condition that you didn't go crazy. You broke _his_ heart. I don't trust you with him."

Sakura let a single tear slide down her cheek.

"That was a mistake. I'd give anything to take that kiss back. But you have to understand; I need Sasuke. He may not realize it, but I think he needs me too."

"… No I don't…" Sasuke put in, closing his eyes.

"I wasn't talking to you," Sakura said, tugging at Sasuke's pants and threatening to pull then down. If Sasuke's clean, virgin manhood were to enter her filthy little chamber, Itachi would never forgive himself.

"Say goodbye to virginity," Sakura whispered to Sasuke seductively, slipping a hand into his pants and preparing to grope him.

Thank God, she had been so distracted with ranting to Itachi that she hadn't noticed Shisui slipping from his spot next to Itachi to behind her.

He tried to stun her with a kick to the ribs, but she caught his drift just in time to swing Sasuke into the crossfire. He took an Uchiha-rank kick to the ribs, and was flung across the room by a startled Sakura. He crashed along over the shattered tea set and came to a rest at the opposite wall. Itachi rushed to his side.

Shisui grabbed the naked girl and put her into a headlock.

"Shisui, that _better fucking be _a flashlight in your pocket," Sakura hissed, seeing something rather close to a boner in Shisui's pants.

"I GET HARD IN DANGEROUS SITUATIONS, OKAY?" He hollered, blushing.

"Dispose of that… _virginity-stealing_… _thing_…" Itachi said, applying pressure to a cut on Sasuke's leg while said injured boy coughed up a lattice of blood.

"Already on it," Shisui said, leading her out. He planned on throwing her out on the snow and seeing how fast she could bound around in the massive snowdrifts until she was out of the compound.

"You realize you'll have to put some clothes on me," Sakura said, tossing her head to get a strand of pink hair out of her face.

"Yeah, says who?"

"Well, you're an officer. You should know that public nudity is a crime."

"I'm not the one who's going to be thrown outside butt-naked, am I? Besides, I don't think anyone would want to report you after seeing how flat your chest is," Shisui said, opening the front door.

MEANWHILE…

Shikamaru sat, staring out of his window. The snow was really falling now…

The world looked bleak and blue. He could make out shapes of light poles and houses only because of the faint dark shadows that gave everything dimension.

"Troublesome…" he grumbled.

SEVERAL MINUTES LATER…

Yoshino heard her son's door open, and a somewhat terrified and pale Shikamaru stalked out. His eyes were wide. He sat down at the kitchen table and leaned back.

"What is it?" his father asked, looking up from his paper.

He only shook his head and breathed in shakily.

He could've sworn he'd seen a pink-haired, flat-chested, naked shemale dashing down the street…

* * *

LKFJADGIO;KAL NARA HOUSEHOLD 8'D

Anyway, I should now start working on the chapters for SWHNN and TKC2. So... Expect an update for this after those two are done. XD

REVIEWS? Who knows. I may update this one FIRST if I get enough. eUe


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